


To Be Human

by Agentrogers17



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Cassian is a Sweetheart, Cute Cassian, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Cassian Andor, Jyn is badass, Missions Gone Wrong, Reader-Insert, Shyness, Social Anxiety, Taking care of eachother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 13:07:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11898378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agentrogers17/pseuds/Agentrogers17
Summary: A friendship&love story of the reader, who has social anxiety and is a bit of sociopath, and the cutest Rebel Captain ever.





	To Be Human

**Under rich, relentless skies**

**I’ve been setting highs**

**I felt you walk right through me**

 

“Captain.” I greeted Captain Andor softly as we passed by each other.

“Miss (L/N).” he said a small one sided smile playing on his lips. He was always something between friendly and professional. He was so inbetween that I never had any idea were we friends or were we something more. He had those soft brown eyes that I never looked too long afraid of feeling something more than I should. I was afraid to fall in love with him because it was possible. I would fall for him if I would look at his kind handsome face just a bit too long. After a few steps he called my name. I turned around slowly.

“Yes Captain Andor?” I asked.

“Call me Cassian, please. You know, I just wanted to say… You had many missions with Rogue One but still you never really talk to us outside the mission. Evet then you talk very little. I have observed you, please don’t misunderstand me, it was not in a stalkerish way. You are just really interesting and mysterious. So… I noticed you never really talk with anyone. Except mission reports or something about that. Are you okay? I mean… Is there anything or anyone bothering you around the base.” he said. The only thing I could was to watch him with my eyes wide open. He had observed me and he was somehow worried about me.

“No Captain. There is nothing wrong about base to me.”

“Please call me Cassian. But… Are you sure? I mean… Of course it is okay for you to want your privacy but… You don’t interract with anyone (Y/n). I am worried about your emotional state. I want you to be okay.”

“Thank you for your concern Capt-” I met his warning state and corrected it “Cassian. But I am okay. I am just not really good with people or emotions I guess.”

“Can we talk about it somewhere else?” he asked. I looked at him questioning.

“I don’t really want to ask you some personal questions in the middle of the corridor.”

“Oh of course. Where would you like to talk?” I asked.

“Where are you most comfortable?” 

“It doesn’t really matter.” he sighed looking at me with his concerned eyes.

“Let me take you to my room. I guess I have some cookies and tea there.”

“Oh there is no need for…”

“Please. Just let me be a friend.”

“I don’t think I ever had any friends. I really don’t know what they do either.”

“I am planning to change that.” he murmured under his breath.

 

**You are the thing that I invoke**

**My all persistent goal**

**Sent to make me crazy**

 

I walked with Cassian in a comfortable silence. His hand was barely touching my back, guiding me. His room was not so far from mine. But it gave ‘home’ vibes. It was warm, clean and nice. He had a small kitchen in the corner. 

“Come on.” he pulled me with him to his kitchen. Motioned me to sit at his small table. I watched him as he brewed some tea and put some cookied on a plate.

“You are not in trouble.” he said gently.

“I didn’t think I was.”

“You looked like a child ready to hear that she is grounded.” he said smiling.

“I am not used to… people?” I half asked.

“I don’t bite.” he joked.

“I didn’t think you would.”

“You really are not used to people.” he said finally realizing how serious I was.

“No.”

“So… (Y/n). Please tell me about yourself. I know your name, I know you are one of the best spies alive, I know you can get any job you are given done. But I have no idea who you are or what have you ben through.” he said with the need for answers in his eyes.

“It really is nothing important… I mean. It is not important who I am, what I do for Allience is important.” I answered simply.

“No. You are wrong.”

“About what?”

“You are important (Y/n). Very important. For me, for the team, for Rebels.”

“My work is important.” I corrected.

“No. No. You don’t get it. Your work of course is very important. Allience can not thank you enough for risking your life this much and bringing all those impirtabt information. But not everything is about work darling. Who you are is important too.”

“No one knows who I am.” 

“It does not change the fact that we care. We all want to get to know you. I want to get to know you. But I, we want to do it without making you uncomfortable. Everyone wanted to talk with you for a very long time. But I guessed you would not like thousand questions being asked at once.”

“Yeah…”

“So… I was the most persistent one about talking to you so. I might or might not have used my title to talk to you first.”

“But why? I mean why to get in that much trouble you could send me a message I would come.”

“But I don’t want to talk with you about work (Y/N). I want to talk about you.”

“I really am boring.”

“Let me decide that okay? Tonight you will talk and I will listen. Than we can discuss about other things.”

“What things?” I started to feel uncomfortable.

“Anything you want. Your problems if you have, the weather, spaceships, anything in the universe you are interested amd comfortable to talk about.” he smiled reaching and holding my hand in his bigger and much more warmer one.

“Come on. Drink your tea, eat some cookies. You are my guest. I barely evet have any guests so I will look after you very good.”

 

**And though it’s hard now**

**With time it works out**

 

“So you have been wandering across the universe…”

“Yeah. Since I was able to take care of myself I guess. I jumped from ship to ship mostly. Hiding in the baggage. I stole food and things I needed. Barely slept. Then I jumped on a Rebel ship. I didn’t know of course but the pilot found me. And asked me if I wanted a home and brougt me here. I am working for the Rebels since.”

“The pilot? What happened to her?”

“I don’t know. I never saw her again.”

“You were left alone in a place you knew nothing about or no one around?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh god. I can not imagine what you felt like.”

“I never had any place with people or things I knew Cassian. I am used to this.”

“You can not go on like this.”

“Why not? I am good.”

“You think you are good because you never had a chance to have anything else. Let me show you the other things and you can decide which one you like the most so you can go on the way you choose.” he said.

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You couldn’t even if you tried.” he said warmly smiling.

 

**To be human is to love**

**Even when it gets too much**

**I’m not ready to give up**

 

“Come.” Cassian said. His arm around my body barely touching but guiding me towards the cafetaria and protecting me from other people.

“It is too crowded. I don’t think I like the idea of eating on a table with people.”

“You won’t.”

“What?”

“K2 holds a 4 people table for us two. I won’t push you towards a group of people. You need to get used to me first.” he said. We took some food and Cassian walked to a table in the far corner where a very tall droid was sitting.

“Hello Cassian, (Y/N).” he said. 

“Hi.” I whispered.

“Did you tell everyone this table is ours for a while?” Cassian asked.

“Yes. I did. But I really can not see a reason why you were unable to protect your so precious table.”

“I was getting (Y/N).”

“I think she is very capable to bring herself here.”

“She is. But I didn’t wanted her to come here alone. I wanted to walk with her.”

“It is unnecessarry to…”

“K you can go and do anything you wish know but please leave us alone. Let us eat in peace.”

“Are you scared that I will embaress you in front of your cru-”

“K2, go!” Cassian nearly shouted his voice full of annoyence. 

“I am sorry about him.” he said.

“No problem I think. I love his annoyed nature.” I said honestly. The droid was sassy. And it made me smile many times while we were in a mission.

“You are nearly the only one.” Cassian said.

After some minutes I realized how crowded the cantine really was. And that uncomfortable feeling crept into my mind.

“Too many people?” Cassian asked I didn’t realized his hand taking mine but I was very aware of the relaxation I felt with his touch on my skin.

“Yes.” 

“Don’t think about them. Focus on me. We are here together. You and I (Y/n). No one else in this room really matters right now. Not to me anyway.”

“Why are you not eating with your team?”

“Because I want to spend time with you. I told you. All of us want to get to know you but only when you are ready. I have the pleasure to be the first one in Rogue One to get close to you. And I think I will miss this when you will start to hang out with them. I would miss you.” he said watching me with something like adoration in his eyes.

“Why?” 

“I would miss all of this. You and me being alone. Me having you all to myself.”

“I never really had that many people.”

“Don’t worry. You are only mine for a long time.” he said. And something in his words made me feel warm and excited inside.

 

**To be human is to love**

**Even when it gets too much**

**I’m not ready to give up**

 

“Have you ever had a sleepover?” Cassian asked as the nurse bandaged my upper leg. I had no pants on just my black cotton panties but Cassian was a gentleman and his eyes never traveled lower than my eyes. He looked at my wound once or twice but always with worry never with anything disrespectful. 

“No.”

“Mind if we will tonight?” he asked played with my hair that escaped out of my bun. He then relesed my bun and started to braiding my hair. His touch was gentle and nice against the tired skin of my head. 

“What should I do?” I asked not really knowing what people did in a sleepover. 

“Just bring something to sleep in. You can shower at my place tonight. You can sit while showering there. You know your leg is hurt.” 

“I know.” I sighed.

“You can wear my clothes if you’d like. They will be baggy on you. Better for your wounds.” he said softly as he finished the braid.

“Okay….” I murmured. I felt too relaxed right now. He played with my hair, he masaged my scalp and he was saying nice things to me… I barely noticed when I started to lean into his chest. He put his arm around my body and kissed my hair. He sometimes kissed me. On my hair or forehead. Those kisses were really light and were barely there but I loved them. I love his softness towards me. 

“Sleep some. Nurse still has to do some work on your leg.” he whispered into my ear. And that was all I needed to close my eyes and snuggle into his chest.

I woke up as I felt myself being carried. I opened my eyes trying to understand where I was and met Cassian’s relaxed but tired face.

“Slept nice?” he asked smiling at me. 

“I can walk.” I said.

“No need sweetheart we are almost there.” then I noticed Cassian’s jacket on my legs covering my half nude form. His hand warm under my thigs holding me up and his other one around my body.

“Thank you.” I whispered.

“Anytime darling.” he said. 

 

**All the tigers have been out**

**I don’t care, I hear them howl**

**I let them tear right through me**

 

Cassian helped me to get into his shower and asI started to wash myself I could hear him moving in the kitchen preparing things for us. I washed my hair with his shampoo and carefully washed my body trying to avoid my wounds. I slowly stood up and pulled the towel Cassian gave me around my naked body. After drying myself slowly I put on his soft tshirt and his boxer shorts. I wrapped my hair with towel and went to Cassian. He was murmuring a comforting tune as he was cooking. 

“Can I help?” I asked him he looked at me over his shoulder and smiled at me softly. 

“No darling. I want you to sit and rest. You had a hard mission.”

“You were there too.” I said.

“I was piloting. You were on the field. You got shot. I think it was harder on you.” he said putting some kind of sauce into the pan.

“You eat at Cantine nearly always. Why are you cooking tonight?”

“I love cooking. It is too wasteful for one person. As we are two right now…” 

“Hmm.”

“After the dinner you should take your medication. The nurse gave them as you were sleeping.” he said pointing the blue bottle of pills. 

“Thank you.” I said. He smiled softly watching me for few seconds. 

“You always do this.” I said.

“What?” he asked curiously.

“You always watch me. Like that.”

“Well you are a view.” he said with a handsome half smirk on his lips. I could not hide my blush at that comment. His smile grew at my embaressment.

“Don’t be shy now. You are gorgeous. Hermosa niña.” he whispered the last part to himself. 

After eating together and washing the dishes Cassian helped me to walk to his couch as he opened an old Republic time movie on his holopad. My feet were resting on his lap. His hands resting on my wrists, his fingertips caresing my skin. 

When it was time to sleep I was planning to sleep on the couch but Cassian gathered me in his arms and carried me to his bed.

“You don’t mind cuddling do you?” he asked and I could never say no to his sleepy cute voice and warm brown eyes.

“No…”

He put his arms around my stomach and just under my breast pressing me to his lean torso. He was warm and he made me feel safe. I rested my head on his shoulder and he pressed his forehead just to the spot between my shoulder and neck. His soft hair was tickling the tender skin of my neck. 

“Sweet dreams mi vida.” he murmured his lips touching naked skin of mu shoulder blade as he spoke.

“Sweet dreams Capt’n.” I breathed as I felt asleep on his warm&safe hold.

 

**Can you help me not to care?**

**Every breath becomes a prayer**

**Take this pain from me**

 

The morning of our sleepover was strange but somehow beautiful. Cassian was holding me in his arms. We were face to face. Well, my face was resting on his lean muscular chest. One of my hands resting just above his hearth. The other rested on his biceps. His were around me. Holding me close to his body. He was so warm that even at the cold of the night I was pleasantly warm. 

“Buenos días amor.” he whispered in his morning raspy voice.

“Morning.” I whispered back, snuggling closer to his chest. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and left his lips resting there. I could feel the small smile on his lips. 

“How did you sleep?” he asked, one of his hands starting to caress my back softly. 

“Better than I had ever.” I said the truth.

“Me too.” he sighed. Something was strange with that. Why would he sound so disappointed that he slept better.

“Do you have a mission today?” I asked. 

“I am free this week. To look after you.”

“I am not in that bad of a state for someone to look after me.”

“I want to be sure you are okay.”

“Cassian you don’t need to stop working for that.”

“Hush. Lets go and prepare breakfast so you can take your pills.” he said softly getting up. 

“I will prepare everything. You lay here some more. I will call you.” he said going to bathroom first.

After he went I rolled from my side to his to cuddle his pillow. I didn’t know why but his touch and smell made me feel at home.

After some time there was a knock on the door. Cassian answered it and started to argue with someone.

“Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to hide her away?” asked some women.

“I am not doing anything or hiding anyone away.”

“Yeah? Explain this than? As soon as she is injured you take her to private room in medbay, you take her from there and make her live with you?”

“What are you accusing me of, Erso?”

“Your little crush has become an obsession Cassian.” 

“What?”

“You are holding her like a prisoner.”

“Are you hearing what you are saying?”

“Does she even know that you don’t see her as a friend? Have you told her?”

“That girl has social anxiety Jyn. She is scared of all kinds of relationships. I am trying to get her used to the idea of me as person. I can’t tell her now. She is not ready.”

“She needs to know.”

“Not yet.”

“She needs to know.”

“I said not yet.”

“She needs to know that the man she sleeps next to at nights wants to fuck her.”

“I LOVE HER JYN. I FUCKING LOVE HER. How dare you to compare my feelings to her to something just physical? How dare you?” Cassian yelled. It was the first time I heard Cassian yell except the missions. After yelling he closed the door with a loud thud and marched inside. I got up from bed and went to him. He was making an omelette. I went to him, his back was to me. Not sure of myself, I put my arms around his waist and rested my cheek on his strong back.

“Is everything okay?” I asked. He took a deep breath and put one of his hands on top of mine.

“How much did you hear?” 

“Everything.”

“And you have no idea, do you?”

“About what?”

“Who I was talking about.”

“No.” 

“I will tell you okay? But not today. When the right time comes. Could you wait for me?”

“I could.”

“Thank you. And I am sorry about all that noise.”

“Hmm, no problem.” I said.

 

**And though you’re so far now**

**So far from my arms now**

 

For a week Cassian and I were together. He cooked for me, took care of my wounds and cuddled me all day. I didn’t know how but day by day to be next to him feeled more and more at ease. At 8th day Cassian was called to a mission.

“You can stay here you know.” he said as he put on his boots. 

“I haven’t been at my room for a week now.” I said sitting on his bed.

“You could stay here forever.”

“Cassian I know you are in hurry but… Can I ask you something?”

“Yes mi amor?” he asked stopping what he was doing and sat next to me.

“What are we exactly? Because even if I know not much about regular friendships, I know you are not like this with any of your friends.” 

“You are right.” he said his hand making its way into my hair and caresing my head softly.

“What does it mean?”

“I love you (Y/n). More than a friend. I want you to be mine. Because I know even if you are not aware of it yet. I know that I am yours.” He said and suddenly his lips were on mine. His warm hand supporting my neck. He kissed me softly, his few day’s beard softly tickling my chin and cheeks, he kissed me softly and gently. I tried to kiss him too but this was my first kiss ever and I had no idea what to do. His free hand made its way around my waist and he pulled me to himself.

“Cassian we are late for the mission.” We heard K2 from outside of the door. Cassian sighed and pecked my lips one last time.

“I promise to talk after my return. Stay here while I am gone, you’ll be more comfortable and safer here.” he said and went away after kissing my head.

 

**To be human is to love**

**Even when it gets too much**

**I’m not ready to give up**

 

Cassian and his team didn’t return for 2 weeks. After the first one I was starting to get more and more anxious. My leg was mostly healed so I was doing the desk job around the base. Translating the messages and writing reports. No one knew where the Rogue One was. And everyone was worried, the mission supposed to be 5-6 days long but we were at 15th day and nothing. I slept in Cassian’s room wearing his soft shirts for the nights. I started to think about what would I do if Cassian wouldn’t be back and I didn’t like the idea. I just wanted him back safe and sound to tell me everything was allright and we were safe together. I was eating my lunch when people started to run around like crazy. Everyone was running to hangar so I followed them. There was Cassian’s ship. It looked worned out but still one piece. I saw Jyn and Chirrut they were bruised but nothing too serious. All team was okay and there except Cassian and as the medic team approuched the ship I saw him. K2 was carrying his limp form in its arms. Cassian was covered in blood and wounds. He looked paler than ever. Medics took him away as I felt on my knees in shock. Few moments later I felt someone putting their arm around me. I looked up to see Jyn and Bodhi. Jyn was holding me and Bodhi helped me to get up.

“He will be okay.” she said softly as both of them pulled me to somewhere.

“He lived the Scarrif, he will be okay.” Bodhi said. But I could not delete his bloody and injured image as K2 gave him to medics. He looked dead. Just then I noticed I was crying.

“Everything will be okay.” Jyn said and helped me walk to medbay. We waited for 4 hours. Cassian’s surgery lasted 4 hours. 

“He will sleep for a few days.” Doctor said.

“Can I stay with him?” I asked weakly.

“You may.” 

After that I spent all my time next to his sleeping form. I slept there, I ate whatever Jyn and Bodhi would bring me there, K2 sometimes joined me. But it never told about Cassian’s life or death statistics. Somehow this was the way K2 showed that it cared.

“You should take a shower and rest.” Bodhi said watching me.

“I want to be here when he wakes up.” I said holding Cassian’s hand. It was bigger than mine, cooler than usual but still warmer than mine. 

“You haven’t slept properly in 4 days (Y/n). You should take some time for yourself.”

“I need Cassian to wake up.” I said. And that was the end of the conversation.

  
  


**Just ‘cause I predicted this**

**Doesn’t make it any easy to live with**

**And what’s the point of knowin’ it**

**If you can’t change it?**

 

It was going to happen sooner or later. I knew that. Both Cassian and I had the most deadlieast jobs in the universe. I, myself, got hurt only at my latest mission. It wasn’t a fatal injury but it could have been. There was no need to imagine that we could have a normal casual life. Not me, not Cassian. There were only two options. Or we had to get used to see each other like this, nearly dead, bloody and broken or we should not even try anything together. But for this decision I needed Cassian to wake up. I took a deep breath and looked at K2.

“How long do you think I can be together with him?” I asked.

“I hope you are not asking me a emotional relationship advice.” he said his tone full of irritation.

“No.” I said rolling my eyes. “How long do you think we both will be alive?” I asked.

“We are at a war.”

“I do know.”

“You both are fighting in a front row.”

“Yes we are.”

“You both are reckless, stupid and with idioticy of thinking that you are immortal. Which you prooved wrong in both of yours latest missions.”

“We kind of did that.”

“You want me to say ‘don’t get together, it won’t even last’. But you both are stupid emotional beings named humans. So this ‘relationship’ might make you stronger. Or weaker.” 

“K2 give me an answer not facts.”

“I am a droid (Y/full/N). Not a relationship counselour.”

“I am pretty sure we can programm you to be that.”

“No thank you.” he said dryly. “You must talk with Cassian about this. He will wake up in few hours.” K said leaving me alone with Cassian’s sleeping form. 

 

**Just ‘cause I predicted this**

**Doesn’t make it any easier to live with**

**And what’s the point of knowin’ it**

**If you can’t change it?**

**You can’t change, can’t change it**

 

“(Y/n).” I heard a raspy voice on my left and lifted my head to meet Cassian’s kind soft brown eyes.

“Hey.” I said giving him a glass of water and holding his free hand. 

“How long have I been here?” he asked holding my hand and lifting it to his lips for a deep kiss.

“3 weeks.” I said. 

“I am so sorry mi amore. We were caught in a trap and everything went south from there. How are the others?” he asked.

“They had small wounds and bruises but are fully healed now.” I answered. After his doctor checks, new meds and speaking with others. We went to Cassian’s room. He suprisingly was okay. His leg was fully healed since he was asleep for 3 weeks. His ribs still were sore but much better than his first arrival. The wound on the side of his forehead was mostly healed too. 

“I was worried.” I confessed as we were drinking tea together.

“I am sorry querida. I wish you could have live without all of this.”

“But this is our life.” I said. He smiled softly but something was different from his usual smiles. He was sadder lost in thoughts.

“I wish I could give you another life you know. A life where you would never need to fight or risk your life.”

“It wasn’t your fault I choosed this life Cassian. We met each other because I choose this.”

“Yes. You are one of the very few great and beautiful things this was has given me but still I would rather never have the chance to kiss you if you could have a better life.”

“I am happy that you kissed me.” I said shyly. He pulled me to his lap and his lips were on mine.

“I nearly forgot how good you tasted.” he said kissing me one more time.

“You said we would talk.” I whispered to his lips. 

“Not a long talk actually.” he said kissing my jaw softly.

“Hmm… What kind of a talk?” I moanded when he gently sucked the sensetive skin of my neck.

“I love you (Y/N).” he said between his kisses all around my face and neck. All I could was to run my fingers in his soft dark hair. “And if you feel the same and want to give this a try. I want us to be something.”

“With all these battles and risks?” I asked.

“With all these battlws and risks.” he confirmed.

“I want this. I want you.” I answered and his lips found mine in a second to kiss me deeper and more lustful.

 

**To be human is to love**

**Even when it gets too much**

**There is no reason to give up**

 

“I love you.” he said as he carried me to his bed. There was a deep worry for his wound in my mind for a second but all was forgotten when he put me in his bed and started to kiss me his hands roaming all around my body. 

“I love you too Captain Andor.” I whispered to his lips. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please leave comments, kudos and suggests.   
> Have a nice day!


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